Go For It
The air is humid, the kind that I love, the kind of humidity that can only be felt on African soil. Somewhere in the background, someone is listening to a Black Sherif verse on high volume, while driving by full speed. I wanted to write, on a notebook, with pen and paper to ensure no distractions and to get back into the element of writing. Ink always brought on a lot of revelations. This being one of them:
I had been a bystander of my own life, looking from the outside in. With my life on autopilot, racing through to do lists and doing what needed to be done but not really living, I realized that it had to stop. So what did I do?
Well first of all: I stopped. I had a reset, a much needed one. I went back home and for the first time in four years (yes, it had been that long) I took care of me, fully. Not just for a day or two or a weekend but weeks on end. The load of taking care of everyone else was taken from me, I wasn’t in mom mode 24/7, my hands were not constantly cleaning up and doing the dishes, I didn’t have to plan what everyone was going to eat and I didn’t have to cook, I didn’t only have a couple minutes to spare for a nighttime routine, the word fun replaced fatigue in my everyday vocabulary. There was no rush, instead I had endless amounts of slow mornings: just me, some music and my journal. I got ready in no hurry but with all the time in the world, took long showers, dressed up really cute and noticed how beautiful I actually was when I wasn’t dressing like a little boy, ready to go throw out some trash. My skin was glowing and my eyes had a sparkle to them. I went to the salon for head massages, for reties, to get my locs washed and styled (shout out to the girls at Twist & Locs). I had stopped. And I’m getting emotional while writing this, it changed me. It thawed something that had frozen on the inside of me. The playfulness, the lightheartedness, lifted worry lines that had formed around my eyes. I met a new version of me, not necessarily the woman I was before but a much better one, like ripened fruit: soft and full of flavor, healthy.
I liked myself that way and while sitting on the balcony, enjoying the afternoon sun, I promised myself to keep the same energy even after boarding the flight back to Europe, to minus degrees, daily to do lists and reality checks.
And I’m glad to say: that’s exactly what I did. A wise woman once said to bring your vacation home (Me, I’m the wise woman that said that, go read more here in case you missed it).
Mentally prepared for the low that was going to hit after leaving Ghana, the infamous post vacation blues, where merely looking out the window and seeing grey skies and naked trees will put you in a depressing mood, I steered against it with a mind over matter attitude, wrote down what I was grateful for, the lessons I learned, what I wanted for the new year and most importantly what I was going to do, to get what I wanted. Because manifestation only works when we do more than just speaking. When we act on it. I was tired of planning and not seeing things through. I saw myself with a new set of eyes, my inner reflection had gotten a reset, a boost of confidence and I was set on nurturing it and not letting my light go out. It’s been a little over three weeks since I got back and I’ve been running it instead of letting it run me, with it, I mean life. How does it go again: “We run tings, tings nuh run we!” Once a passive bystander I now tell myself every morning when I look at my reflection in the mirror: Make it happen. You’ve got this. God’s got you! I take life by the horns and with the risk of sounding cheesy dare I say I have become a go getter? After the inventory I took of my life, I envisioned who I wanted it to be and my vacation self was as close to that person as my day to day self had been. I’m talking about my confidence, my willingness to connect, to talk to complete strangers. Knowing who I was and what I had within me and claiming it. Not shyly shrugging when someone asked me what I do. But saying: I’m a writer and a poet. And saying that with my chest because if you’ve been reading maamewrites you know what’s up. But at the same time also not limiting who I was and all the other things that I did, we’re a multi hyphenate babe over here. This energy of going for it, has already made opportunities happen for me and we’re only in February. All this to say that: go for it! Even if the voices in your head try to tell you you’re not good enough. Or when people around you say that it is not possible. Stop. Find a way to fully reset. Recharge and step into the amazing being that you are. In the inspiring words of Doechii (we love her!) “(…)Anything is possible. Anything is possible. Don’t allow anybody to project any stereotypes on you, to tell you that you can’t be here, that you’re too dark, or that you’re not smart enough, or that you’re too dramatic, or you’re too loud. You are exactly who you need to be to be right where you are, and I am a testimony right now (…)”
On that note: go for it and watch miracles happen.
Love,
Maame.
