Don’t Let Go
When life is life-ing extra hard, it is easy to not take care of ourselves and to neglect the most important person in our lives: us.
It stars differently for everyone, for some it starts with neglecting their nutrition: not drinking enough, forgetting or skipping meals, binge eating, pushing work outs until you look at the calendar and notice that is has been four months since you last worked out. For others it starts with not putting the usual effort into our appearance, going out wearing whatever because you just can’t be bothered. True story: I left the house last time, wearing an old and stained hoodie and baggy pants, (not because they were supposed to look that way but because your girl has lost weight, and yes I am smiling while typing this) and two different pairs of socks, as in black tennis socks and long black socks - don’t ask me why-. For others it is not washing your hair because the time and effort it requires is just not something you have to give right now; or reaching for that wig that needs a desperate wash and hiding your under wig cornrows that you got done three months ago.. we listen and we don’t judge.
Then again sometimes it has nothing to do with how we look but what we do: isolating ourselves and increasing the amount of unread text messages, letting calls go to voicemail for weeks and weeks on end and being overwhelmed by the red bubble and white numbers that aggressively increase each passing day, yet still somehow managing to doom scroll on social media and having people be offended because you’ve left them on read. So eventually, you happen to catch a glimpse at your reflection in the mirror, and the more you look at yourself the more you wonder who that person is because it does not in any way resemble the person that you know or used to know. I had a moment like that not too long ago (it was last Saturday), and without thinking I took my phone out and took a picture. Sure, I had been trying to get rid of a nasty flu that just didn’t want to say goodbye and I was dealing with back pain that came out of the blue, so my usual routine was out the window and so was any social activity that might have been on the schedule. Going for a walk in the park didn’t require that much effort and going to the grocery store even less.
But on Saturday I looked at myself and at the picture I had just taken and said: enough. there were still remnants of the flu in the nasality of my voice and a light scratch in my throat but that wouldn’t stop me. I took an everything shower, with the jazzy sounds of Robert Glasper playing in the background. Massaged my scalp with grapeseed avocado oil, gave my skin intense care with a detoxifying clay mask and hydrating products right after and buttered my body with unrefined shea butter. After I was done, the fog on the bathroom mirror was mostly gone and I could take a closer look at myself, ahh much better. So, much better. Now, this wasn’t necessarily a magic trick to bring back the woman that I knew but I had been rushing through every single routine for the past weeks. A quick shower, a quick skin care routine (if any at all), a quick meal, a quick nap, quick quick quick. Really taking the time to take care of my body was something that I owed to myself. After that, I sat down and wrote down my plans for the month of December, cleared and updated long overdue to do lists while lifting the fog that had clouded my mind, and worked on a project of mine with Leon Thomas’s Album playing in the background. I was thawing and finally coming out of the freeze mode I had found myself in.
What have you been rushing? Where have you been standing still? In what ways have you stopped showing up for yourself? We are often told to let go of what no longer serves us, to let go of negativity, let go of everything bad in our lives but that doesn’t mean that we should let go of ourselves too. No matter how bad we are feeling. Because yes, we may have people that will look out for us but how can we put that immense load on other people and not take care of ourselves too?
However it may look for you: booking that appointment at your favorite hairstylist (shoutout to my girls Slayedbyjess and Chezpris) or booking that mani, pedi appointment, or following up on the doctor’s appointments you’ve been avoiding (go for check ups people!) or taking your vitamins or picking up that journal and writing down your thoughts, or dialing into the hotline that connects you to God through prayer. Whatever you do, don’t let go of you. In the rephrased words of EnVogue “Hold yourself tight and don’t let go, don’t let go”.
Love,
Maame.
