What's Next?

Why is it that we’re always so quick to move on. When Nicki Minaj sang: I wish that I could have this moment for life, I, belted it from the top of my lungs. But the moment was fleeting because I was also trying to see what was about to happen next.

Sometimes I sit there and think about a memory, any memory that brought me joy in the past. Thinking about how I might have taken that moment for granted and how beautiful it was. But because I thought the grass was greener on the other side - turns out it’s the same damn color and the only thing that needs to change is my perspective and not my location-  I didn’t fully indulge in that moment. 

I used to pray for times like this. 

Now that these times are here I’m looking towards the next big thing, the next milestone. Humans are wired different. 

Before my baby was born, I was checking my belly every two seconds to see if it had grown, because it meant that she was growing. I kept on checking the five thousand apps I had installed to monitor my progress  and celebrated my pregnant body. I am not gonna lie: I had moments where I felt like the biggest elephant in the room, no really I walked and breathed like an actual elephant.Anyone who saw me in the last weeks of pregnancy can attest to that and if they say something different they're being very very kind.

When she arrived, my world stopped and I was in my baby bubble for a while. That newborn smell and warmth is irreplaceable. But then, like every bubble, it burst and I started to get anxious about what was going to be next. No one was putting pressure on me but myself. The belly I had been celebrating was now something I wanted to get rid of immediately. Looking down at the bulge that was still there I couldn’t get rid of it fast enough. Side note: Instagram is a lie, that will have you believe that your body will look like your pre baby body three days post partum. The snap back should not be the focus after birth. It is your well being and that of your baby which is the most important because let me tell you something: pregnancy blues are real (a big thank you to my midwife who was so supportive and even let me cry on her chest) and so is post partum depression. I don’t think I’ve ever cried that much in the span of a month, tears of joy, tears of frustration, tears of no particular reason but still tears nevertheless, all wrapped in one. Oh, what a ride those first weeks were. 

But even with the miracle of life and me moving to super shero status, I was eager for what was going to happen next. Somehow forgetting that having my own family is what I had prayed for. I was not counting my blessings but counting down to the next big thing. I had to press pause so I wouldn’t burn out: really soak in the moment, stay in the moment and celebrate the moment. Be in the now because tomorrow would eventually come, it is a choice that we make when we decide to wait outside in the cold for tomorrow to come or we choose to stay inside and enjoy the present of today and all it has to offer. 

I really had to tell myself that I had carried a baby for nine months and had quite literally pushed her out of my body. I. Did. That. (Of course I wouldn’t have been able to do any of it as well as I did, without the help of my significant other.) Something life changing took place and I am now a mother.

Look at your life and the things you have. Things may not be perfect but what is?! Still, there are things and people and opportunities in your life right now that you longed or prayed for at some point in your life. If you have them now, enjoy them to the fullest. The next big or small thing will come but while it’s on its way, let us sit back relax and enjoy the show (there might not be a rerun so enjoy it, fupa and all).

Love,

Maame