Love and Happiness
Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.
Zora Neale Hurston
When you have been disappointed in life, even the good things feel like there is a plot twist coming around the corner, you’re constantly alert waiting for the other shoe to drop, for life to play its wicked part as the evil step mom and rain on your parade. It comes to a point when we waiting on the negative makes us miss what is going on in the right now. And somehow through our thoughts and words invoke what we have been preparing for all this time: the bad and the ugly.
Why do we self sabotage? Why do we stand in our own way and bulldoze through our own beautiful fields? I can’t answer that question for you, only you can. But what I can do is answer it for myself: in my case it is because of fear. I personally know that I start self sabotaging and doubting myself when I let fear creep in to my home and mess things up for me. My home being my mind because the mind is apparently the battlefield, where I slaughter corrupting thoughts and sometimes get slaughtered in the most conniving way, by myself (congrats once again, on playing myself).
Love and happiness can happen if we let it, which most of the time we don’t, because of those that disappointed us the last couple of times and made what was once a soft place, hard as stone (thank you for that btw). We act like a bouncer not letting it into our prestige club and wonder why there’s no one on the dance floor dancing with us. We sometimes whine and cry about it when the answer to the why is in the set of eyes staring right back at us when we look in the mirror.
We deserve love and we deserve happiness as much as the next person. Even when we sometimes fail to acknowledge it because of our past experiences and the hurt we have felt and experienced, memories that might be edged in our brain, but who says we can’t make new memories? And when we experience love in whatever way or form what we should do is embrace it with all we have got because we can handle it, we can get over our fears and receive the love that we want even though our whole body has been blocking it all this time. Just because it didn’t work out the first or tenth time around does not mean something is not for us it may be someone who is not for us but not love and happiness itself, because that’s for everybody.
Love,
Maame