Mom’s Need Love Too
Redefining self-care in motherhood
“Take care of you first. You can’t pour from an empty cup”, has got to be one of the best advices I received when I became a mother. Now, with two kids it is something that I hold on to. Especially on days and nights when the going gets tough. Before I tend to my girls I do a quick check on myself first. Am I okay? Have I had enough to eat? Do I need to drink water? Do I need a 30 second break to breathe? Or a bathroom break? If you’re a mom, you know how sacred a bathroom break can be. Especially with a newborn we tend to forget about us. At least that’s how it was for me. The first time around and something that I didn’t want to repeat the second time around. And trust me when I say: it made a huge difference.
It makes sense that we are told to tend to ourselves first in case of an emergency on the plane, put on your own oxygen mask before you help others with theirs.
How can you try and save someone if you can’t breathe?
There’s nothing selfish about it, on the contrary: I have learned that I function much better when I’m fuelled. It is easier to get agitated when a toddler runs around breaking things, when you’re hungry than when you’re full. Taking time for myself, teaches my daughters more about self care than telling them to do it and not leading by example. Sure, self care doesn’t look the way it did when I didn’t have kids or a husband for that matter. While being by myself for an entire day and having me time for 24 hours wasn’t hard to do back then, it is a much more difficult task with kids.
Me time doesn’t have to be a vacation, my nighttime routine is me time. Taking a long shower without interruptions like a toddler peeking and sliding the glass door to the side wanting you to splash her face with water and attempting to throw in her toys while she’s at it or anxiously staring at the baby monitor because you just put your baby down only to find her staring into the camera and being fussy, is a luxury when you’re a mom.
Making time for myself is what brings peace of mind when my patience is being tested. So whatever self care may look like for you, hold on to it. It may not be an entire spa day, you may need to look after your baby mid pedicure, you may overextend the recommended time your face mask has to be on, because your baby needs their diapers changed… there’s always something and that’s okay. Just don’t forget to take care of yourself in the middle of it all. Because like it or not nobody is going to do it for you… so after reading this, take care of yourself however that may look like. While I write this with moms in mind, this applies to dads too, this applies to busy bodies who are always on the go and barely have time for themselves.
On that note; to every mom out there: I hope you had a great mother’s day. Filled with much needed rest and gratitude. You have all my respect and all my love! For those of us whose mom isn’t here, who have complicated relationships with their moms, for those of us who wish they could have skipped this day and not hear of it, I’m sending you all my love and an especially tight virtual hug.
Love,
Maame.
